Sunday, July 3, 2011

Can I play with madness?

Ever had that time where you woke up in the morning, and you just sit there at your bed for a couple of minutes, thinking... what have you done so far through this point of your life. Thinking... about what the distant future have in store with you. And then, you think some more about this over breakfast.

In fact, you might then engage yourself in yet another dreary routine of the day, pretending that it is not something that is worth pursuing your thought. But, without realizing it, that thought is still there, nagging at the back of your mind.

Yes, well I'm going exactly through that yesterday, except that I woke up during the afternoon (3 PM ish). And that it's Saturday, so it took me a much longer time to get into my daily routine for the weekend (which, since the beginning of my final year project writing, has been more or less spending the first 2-3 hours on the internet, watching some random videos, being in a chat with some cool, annoying, so-and-so, and what-have-you people... and only then, I resume the work for my final year project writing).

And thus I have effectively summarised what has been going on for the last couple of weeks (and which will no doubt continue for the next two weeks). But I'm not merely writing this to tell you how my daily routine have changed since I undertook the writing process of my final year project.

See, as I am getting closer and closer to the end of my project, I'm struck with a realization. A... dreadful premonition, if you would allow me to be dramatic. What I'm heading toward is a mixture of relief, and... something totally different.

For it struck to me that perhaps most - or dare I say, all - men and women have one big fear. It doesn't matter whether the person is highly religious, an atheist, a no-nonsense, pragmatic, practical, or whatever names they give themselves to imply that they could not be shaken by trivial matter - I believe that deep down, we fear the unknown.

For how could you tell with certainty what's going to happen in the next few hours, days, weeks, months, or years? As a child, I used to worry myself to sleep on how I'd turn out as I grow older (and hopefully, wiser). That may be dismissed as being the fear of a child who has no idea how the world works. But as we grow older, does that mean we are more certain on how the future will be for us?

On the contrary, I think the more knowledge we grasp, the more uncertain the future is to us. On hindsight, the image of the future envisioned by some of us when we are small are pretty simple - and honestly naive - when compared with the various projection given forward by the men of knowledge, be it on economic, social, environment, and a thousand and one fields. Who could forget all those times when we were asked (or when you think of it yourself) of what we would want to be when we are all grown up? Big house, big cars, good partners (regardless of your orientation)... the usual.

Perhaps it's no wonder why many people would no sooner pay their money to some questionable predictor of the future. And when I say predictor, this is not only limited to shamans and fortune teller; even men and women in suits, who talk about future economic growth, climate, and the likes are equal if you ask me.

Now you might point out that the latter group is more credible than mere scamming fortune tellers and shamans, but it is not my intention to attack their faulty projection of the future (not that I have much knowledge on this subject). The point here is that no matter what level of society you stand on, no matter how educated you are, and no matter how much money you make - there is that deep embedded instinct in you, that you want to reassure yourself about the future.

We want certainty - we want something where we can put our trust on, even if the source is dubious. Yes... we are all attracted to prediction and projection of the future. For isn't that what distinguish us from other species? Instead of just merely learning from the past, isn't it normal for us to try and predict future outcomes?

I apologize for getting on with a dreary but serious topic, after disappearing from this blog for a while. This has honestly bug me for a while - and I predict it will continue to be so for the rest of my life. So long as I'm human, I would of course worry about the future, the unknown, the unaccounted things in the great master plan... OK, you get the idea.

I'll write something lighter and more of MY BLOG worthy topic in the next post. And I will hopefully get around to write some of the posts I planned for a while in the future . Now, I wonder if I should mention those topics in the upcoming posts, seeing as I actually had them sitting in the backlog for weeks (and in some cases, even months).

By the by, did you watch the video there? In case you're no fan of metal, I'll just quote the most relevant lyrics:

I screamed aloud to the old man
I said don't lie, don't say you don't know

I say you'll pay for this mischief
In this world or the next
Oh and then he fixed me with a freezing glance

And the hellfires raged in his eyes
He said do you want to know the truth son

Lord I'll tell you the truth

Your soul's going to burn in the lake of fire

The moral of the story? Perhaps having an all seeing glimpse of the future is not necessarily a good thing. Sure that the story here is more related to mystical themes, but I thought it's relevant here. Anyway, it's an awesome song from an awesome band.

But you know what? To get more in tune with the theme of unknown (and Touhou, heh), here... have an arrangement of Heian Alien from one of the metal gods of Touhou arrangement, Demetori.



  1. I often feel like that, afraid of the unknown (creepy music). Lately however I've just been totally apathetic about the unknown, let life do whatever the hell it wants with me, it will turn out okay. Not sure if this is a good thing though.

  2. @Claude: Apathetic, huh? I guess that could work too, but as you said, the effect in the long term is... well, unknown.

  3. That has happened, but nowadays I only think "I'm tired, I want to go back to bed" as soon as I get up. I too feel a bit apathetic about the future, the unknown and everything else as of lately.

    Also, that song gets a lot of shit from people for some reason. Personally, I think it's one of Maiden's best.

  4. @Link: Apathetic too, huh? I get that sometimes, but I still consider myself to be 'safe' (whatever that means).

    The only stuff I don't really like from Maiden is during the Blaze period.