Wednesday, March 8, 2017

I guess this is an update (+art dump)

I've been mulling over the purpose of writing out thoughts out here on the 'net: and it was not because of the fear that whatever I say will go into the void (though that used to be my fear, I admit...)

Rather, it's more of a feeling of 'why bother?'

I used to think the whole cataloging of thoughts are some sort of act of self expression, that I do it because I feel the need to make my thoughts be clear. Maybe if I put these out, I can sort out the mess in my head? I guess it is sort of cathartic at a time, but these days I don't really feel like complaining (for isn't that what I've been doing in most of these writings anyway?) - and when I'm not complaining, I was trying to assert how smart I felt, how important I feel in the world - which I've come to term with - doesn't really care that much about what you're doing anyway.

Far from saying I grow tire with life, it is more fitting to say that I don't feel the need to be talking as much these days: what was I going to get from complaining, or trying to feel so smart? I have drawings to turn to nowadays, which I feel is a better way of self expression - it is as Betty Edwards put it, 'you have a drawing to show for the time spent'

It doesn't mean I don't feel the need to let off some steam, so to speak, from time to time - the very fact that I'm writing this immediately disprove that notion. Rather, I try to... well, lets just say I try to now post with a clearer sense of purpose? At least that is what I'm going for...

Now I haven't been really that much into social media, but I am starting to see most (well, okay, at least the ones I know) starting to get tire with them, bemoaning how the place is going toxic, things aren't as they used to be etc etc. Now as a rule, I'm not particularly attached to social media, because whichever platform you choose to go, there's one important factor that you need to consider: that it is filled with people.

And people, being people, are going to let you down, in one way or another. It's just what people do - don't you think so?

Maybe it is because of my non attachment (at least I like to think so!) to them that I pretty much stopped thinking of belonging to a community or whatever. It's totally outside my control whether I was going to be accepted, or whatever. Going back to drawing, I found a similarity between the act of working on a piece and wondering if people are going to accept it, with the act of... well, whatever it is you do in life and wondering if people are going to accept it. A lot of people seem to ask the question of 'how do I get popular?' instead of 'how can I better myself?'

I learned that I need to play by my own rules, that I have to set my own standard - others be damned. It didn't really matter what kind of attention the works might be getting (or lack of it), what matter was that I was doing to the best that I can. Really, when I have come to realize this fact, I didn't really feel the need to talk so much - just sit down and work on my craft.

...but the fact that I went on a tangent on not wanting to talk much, and yet writing all this, is a clear indication on how committed I am to that promise!

Well, about the drawings: posted here are some of the pieces I've been working on since the start of this year. I'll be honest that I haven't been drawing as much as I'd like to - and that goes to drawing practices too -  but I try to work on some pieces every now and then. I'm pretty sure there's no one else really using blogger these days, so for whatever little amount of people who are coming across this place... they won't complain for me turning this as a place where I put the occasional art dump,yeah? Yeah!

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